Today’s thought 5-13-09: Scars

It is funny how life events can transform a person. Beauty that radiates from the inside does not just happen. The life that radiates beauty has had some sort of catalyst. If you ever spend much time with this sort of person, you can sense that something has happened in this person's life that has left such a mark that it has changed them forever. I have often assumed that these sorts of things were always remarkably beautiful events, a time when God and this person were walking hand in hand in beautiful thought. But, more often than not, it is not the event that is beautiful, it is the outcome. Surely, there have been many tragic events that have ruined countless people, but there is something remarkable that happens to a shattered heart when it reaches out to God in its deepest despair.

Without going into gross details, I want to share with you a time in my life that I often refer to as “the darkest time.” To make a long story short, I was in college when I first met sin's true face. It was at this time, when my heart was most troubled, that my problems were exacerbated by medically induced depression. Life was dark and there was no light to be seen. The louder I screamed at Him, the less I could hear God. Eventually, my diluted mind resolved the only cure for this life was death. Well, as you may have guessed, I never acted upon this foul urge that was slowly creeping in my thoughts. God saved me from my twisted mind and delivered me into a life I could have never dreamed: a life of beautiful events, beautiful friends, beautiful family, beautiful thoughts and beautiful peace.

I know many of us can think back to “the time when…,” times that bring a lump in the throat. It only takes a glance or the running the finger over the blemish to remind us of the scars of physical wounds, but this is not the case for the inner scar. We cannot see the scar itself in physical form, but sights of a past aquatints, a smell long forgotten, or a familiar song can trigger emotions we thought had been long washed away by the movement of time. I know that often when I think of “the darkest time,” a dark shadow over takes me. For a moment, my heavy heart returns, and my vision of life seems blurred. I remember the intense pain and I question God as to why He would ever have me relive even a moment of that horrible past. Often I have resolved that the return of these feelings did have a purpose, but in the deepest region of my heart, I resented God for not removing this scar. It was not until yesterday that I finally realized why this scar remains. My answer may seem obvious, but as obvious as it may be, it finally became real to me yesterday. I am still a selfish being, always capable of returning to the thought that I can do things my way. The scar is there to remind me of the harm I once caused myself when I turned from His love and acted on my own. It will remain with me until I die. It is a beautiful scar that is etched across the face of my soul.

The next time you have a moment to sit and talk with a person you know has a beautiful soul, wait and listen. Perhaps you will hear the story of the time when God worked in this person’s filthy heart and began His beautiful redeeming process to bring it to the beautiful shining light that it is today. Praise God!